Alone

In more ways than one at the moment I am alone.  I have the house to myself this weekend, I'm currently single and the 3 people I would call my "best friends" are spread all across the US.  So I am alone.  Although I think I need to make the point that technically speaking I am never alone because I know and love Jesus and he is always with me, which for a people person like myself, is a relief.

Being alone has brought a wee bit of clarity for me.  Although it may seem like I am an extravert (which I may very well be) I CHERISH these alone times.  I have been able to spend time in my empty apartment cooking, watching movies, kickin it pjs and bathrobes, and not acting as if someone is watching.  However it has also made me realize maybe being alone is not all its cracked up to be.  There are dishes in the sink that when my roommate is home, would never be there because I would do them.  My glass is full of wine, which may not be the case if there was someone who might think that shouldn't be the case (and maybe it shouldn't).  I am making no effort to go out with friends and people I enjoy spending time with, because I have the house to myself and don't need to prove to anyone that I have people to spend time with.

All that being said, none of those above small joys feel as good as when my best friends are having conversations with me on the couch in the same room.  Or someone is holding me making me feel safe, and feeling the physical comfort and security of another human being.  Thankfully as said earlier their is Jesus,  with whom I can depend on when I miss those things.  It is hard sometimes when you can see your "aloneness" pointed out so evidently, but he makes it easier.  Whether this makes me an extravert or an intravert I don't know.  Here are the facts social parties and gatherings I enjoy attending, having my apartment to myself I enjoy.  I will make every concious effort to spend time with said 3 best friends when they are in town, seriously every minute of every day; however I am ok with passing on other social engagements not involving them.  I don't mind being single but I would love to have a male who makes my single status not single.  I don't know what that makes me but I guess I should stop trying to define myself.

I am alone.  I am not alone.  Who knows.  Who cares.  This TRUELY is all the thoughts passing through my head and boy is this post inarticulate.

Lisi

PS
I fell today, naked, in the shower.  I'm fine except for a couple bruises but I guess I don't know what I would have done had I not been ok, little freaky but meh!

Also this is one of my FAVORITE songs, and I felt it was completely appropriate.  Also I LOVE Tim Tebow.