Confidence; Something I Have Little Of

This past week I was in Sacramento for a few days for work and through some interesting turn of events realized that the confidence I don't have is very visibly seen to others.  I smile big and stand tall and am in no way scared to make new friends and talk to people.  But the big problem: initiation.  I will be hanging out with someone for a long period of time and instead of saying to them: "hey lets kick it at another time and be friends" I think scream at them over and over again "INVITE ME! INVITE ME! INVITE ME!".

The reason: I don't have the confidence to think that the person I am screaming at in my mind would want to hang out with me, and I need their reassurance.  HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?!  Seriously I hate the people who are constantly digging for compliments and constantly needing pats on the back saying "Your smart enough, your strong enough, and dog gone it people LIKE YOU".  But by not initiating and requiring it to be in someone else's hands aren't I doing that?!  Jeeze!  It's needy and it's gross!

Moving right along this confidence that I knew I didn't have I thought was hidden until I met a handsome acquaintance who pointed out the very visible lack of confidence.  SHOOT!  I wasn't able to fake it as well as I thought I was.  So new goal in the coming months, CONFIDENCE or at least feigning confidence or making others believe I am confident.

To be honest the handsome acquaintance gave me a little confidence with some well placed and worded compliments (BARF I refuse to ever find my worth in the compliments from a man again, even though I LOOOOOVVVVVEDDD the said compliments and the handsomeness of said man).  I like arguments that give reason and evidence, and I felt like the compliments were reason and evidence of why I should be confident.

So all to say, starting today I shall be confident.  Not arrogant because I want to punch people who are arrogant right in the mouth, but true confidence.  So thanks for the compliments Mr. Handsome, keep up the good work you are doing with your attractiveness!

Lisi

PS this is one of the pictures I got when I googled "Confidence".